Pass The Butter

When I was in college I had a friend, Phil, who was in ROTC. One of the ROTC requirements was to spend 6 weeks in the summer training at a regular Army base.

The Army has its own specialized communication protocol with only one rule. A reference to an act of fornication must be included in every verbal phrase. The self-discipline required to resist embracing this protocol was something Phil just didn't have.

A few weeks after Phil returned from this training, his girlfriend invited him to her family's house for dinner. They were all having a nice time until Phil turned to his girlfriend's sister and said, "Could you pass the fuckin' butter?"

The phrase "awkward silence" was invented to describe the next minute. Finally, his girlfriend's father said, "Well, you heard the man, pass him the fuckin' butter."

Everyone laughed, but Phil was still embarrassed. He got up from the table and said, "I'm really sorry - I think I better go."

His girlfriend's father said, "That's OK, Phil, we understand. Sit down and let's finish dinner."

"No, I'd better go. If I stay, I'll probably just fuck up again."